We don’t cry here.
Crying is taboo.
Because if we cry, we’re weak. And if we’re weak, then we’re likely to die. And if we’re likely to die then no one will ever want to be associated with us because even being in proximity to us will threaten their survival too.
And so if we cry we will be ostracized, isolated, and left for dead.
And so we don’t cry.
Instead we repress, we anesthetize, we push down the emotions like an ostrich with its head in the sand hoping that because we ignore the pain and grief and sadness within us it will never have any effect over us. Like an oncoming train we magically assume that ignoring it will prevent it from ever hurting us.
Do not be fooled. Your unprocessed emotions do not disappear when you ignore them. On the contrary they will continue to act out in spite of you in an on-going attempt to heal the part of you that has been wounded. Ignore your emotions and you will only have two options. Either to continue repressing them in increasingly damaging ways with alcohol, drugs, food, work, sex, or any other emotionally distracting activity, or to simply allow them to be triggered like a volcano erupting over and over again when you least expect it. Either way make no mistake, your emotions are stronger than you. While they can be occasionally stifled, they can never be silenced.
Conscious women today are like the 300 Spartans, and unconscious men are a bit like the Persian army. On the one hand you have one of the most elite forces to have ever existed in all of history – and on the other – an overwhelming tyranny of millions hell bent on controlling and exploiting them.
Every day, all over the world, these forces face off in a modern day Battle of Thermopylae where a small, courageous few attempt to hold back the tide of millions in a narrow mountain pass of the present moment. Think about it.
As a woman, when a man says or does something that disrespects you, when he subtly treats you in a way that is beneath you, or is not fully present to you, when he fails, even momentarily, to see you, you are in precisely the same kind of confined, emotionally charged space in which the Battle of Thermopilae took place. You are literally in the “Hot Gates” that a brave few held their ground in the face of oppression and enslavement.
Fifteen years ago I called a friend at the Endeavor talent agency in Los Angeles and pitched him an evolution of Bond that I thought was inevitable. “The Bond we need to see,” I said “isn’t just cool calm and collected, he’s sweaty, he had poor digestion and experiences regular diarrhea. He’s a pale faced, raging alcoholic whose character requires him to face the very demons that made him 007. As Bond he has to take us past the one liners and casual killings in a true exploration of his psyche, his soul. Because as one of the most important, mainstream cultural explorations of the Warrior Psyche that lives inside all men, he must take the lead in acknowledging what hides underneath that hard, emotionless shell …
a traumatized, troubled child desperately seeking revenge on the trauma inflicted upon him by his father as well as the desperate desire to reclaim the love his mother AKA “M”.
My friend paused.